Drunk Man To His Wife Joke: "It's Started"

 A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it
starts.”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”

The wife is furious. She yells at him,
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started.”

Drunk Man At The Bar: WhatsApp Joke

One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye."
The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty. 

Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." 

Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers. 

He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he says, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop."
The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, pissed all over the bar.

"What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!"
Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry."

Funny WhatsApp Drunk Jokes: Police & A Drunk

- Cop and Drunk Joke

       A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. 
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. 
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. 
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a breathalyser test. 
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0%.
The cop says, "What's going on?"
The guy says, "Tonight I'm the designated disguise." 

Funny Clean Drunk WhatsApp Jokes

- A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. 
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. 
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”


Drunk and His Best Friend
- Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another.
Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom.
“Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked.
“It’s my wife Stephenie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!”
“Hey wait a second! Said Mark “Aren’t I your best friend?”
“Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile.
“He is!”