Funny Short Jokes For WhatsApp

Sam: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave 
for Office, what about you? 
Me : Me too, after you leave!!


Those 8 seconds really become so longer 

when you wait for "Skip" option button on 

video sharing site!

 

Funny Quotes For WhatsApp: Most Of The Time

Most of the time... 

When you're crying, nobody notices your tears. 
 .
 .
When you're worried, nobody feels your pain. 

.
.
When you're happy, nobody sees your smile. 


But when you fart just one time... Hahahahahaha!



Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. 
Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!

Crazy & Funny Facebook & WhatsApp Status

If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile
 
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
 
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it
 
All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.

People may think I’m crazy But really I’m just bored..

 

A girl jogging in the park helps atleast 5 boys to be fit and in shape.

 

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

 

 

 

 

15 Most Funny New Year's Resolutions & Status 2014

- I will actually laugh out loud when I type “LOL” to the person I am messaging with.


- Only get divorced and remarried once this year.



- I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

 
- Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.



- I resolve to stop poisoning my family with my cooking.

 
- I will really work from home on my “work from home” days.


- Stop setting three alarms on my phone, just so I can turn the volume off after the first one.

 
- I will not wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother.

   
- I promise to be nice to my dog. I won't starve him to death more than 10 times.... in a month.



- I will not sit at the computer all the time. I will try to stand while I type for at least thirty minutes a day.

 

- Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes.

 
- I will stop hitting the “like” button just because I like the person who posted but not what they wrote.

 
- I will use my treadmill for something other than a place to hang my jacket.

 
- Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.


- Learn what the hell "resolution" means.

Funny Facebook Status

- When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

 

 - The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 

- We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook.

 

 

- Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.

 

 

- I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. :)

 

 

- At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

 

  

- If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)

- I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. :)

 

 

- When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

 

 

- The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

 

 

- I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)

 

 

- All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

- I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :) 

 

- Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)

 

 

- For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.

 

 

- Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.

 

 

- Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.

 

 

- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

 

 

- Why is abbreviation such a long word?

 

 

- The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funny Status, Quotes and Tweets

Funny Status

-If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . . . . I am fantastic!

 

-A girl jogging in the park helps atleast 5 boys to be fit and in shape.

 

-You want to come into my life, the door is open. You want to leave my life, the door is open. Just one request; don’t stand in front of the door, you are blocking traffic :)

   

-Love never dies…only the lover changes. :P

 

-Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.

  

-When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

 

-Boys think of girls just ike books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eye, they won’t bother to read what’s inside.

 

-Every boy wants a good girl to be bad just for him and every girl wants a bad boy to be good just for her. Crazy World

 

-I don’t need Google. My wife knows everything.

 

-People who wait 4 hours to reply to a text with “lol” should be shooted :)

   

-Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.