Short Clean Father Son Jokes: Dad- How Do You Like...

- Joe: What does your father do for a living?
Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?  
Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.



- Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam
Son: Absence!
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!



- Dad: How do you like fourth grade?
Son: It isn’t much fun.
Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!


- Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.
Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.

College Party Joke: Things Learned From College Only

The following are only learned from college:

•  Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
•  Quarters are like gold.
•  Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
•  Showers become less important.
•  Sleep becomes more important.  
•  10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class.
•  Any game can be made into a drinking game.
• ATMs are the devil's advocate.
• You'll drink anything if it's free..
• Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.  

 
 

 

Funny Children Jokes: Father & Son Went To Zoo..

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.

Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."

"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished. 

Office Party Joke: Excuses, If Caught Sleeping At Desk

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

- "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

- "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

- "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

- "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

- "The coffee machine is broken...."

Funny Party Jokes: What Did SnowMan Say To Other..

- Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: "Do you smell carrots?"
  

- Yes, this is a woman's world. 
When a person is born, the first question people ask is:  How is the mother? 
When he marries, people say, what a lovely bride!  
And when he dies, they ask, How much did he leave her?
 

- A guy is going ice fishing (it is the winter in Minnesota) and he walks out onto the ice and begins drilling a hole. 
A loud voice - the voice of God - sounds around him. "There are no fish here!"
"Hm," the man thinks, and picks up his things to move to another place on the ice. 
 As he begins drilling his second hole, again he hears, "There are no fish here!"
 "Must be my lucky day," he thinks. "Someone's looking out for me." 
And he moves again. 
As he begins drilling his third hole, the voice rings out, "This is the rink attendant! There are NO FISH HERE!" 
 

 Marketing At A Party
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me!” That’s Direct Marketing.
- You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s very rich. Marry him.” That’s Advertising.
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.” That’s Telemarketing.
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m rich. Marry me” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That’s Customer Feedback.
  

- Q.Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? 
  A. He had no body to go with!

Lots of jokes -> 'http://www.freetimejokes.com/'

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15 Most Funny New Year's Resolutions & Status 2014

- I will actually laugh out loud when I type “LOL” to the person I am messaging with.


- Only get divorced and remarried once this year.



- I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

 
- Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.



- I resolve to stop poisoning my family with my cooking.

 
- I will really work from home on my “work from home” days.


- Stop setting three alarms on my phone, just so I can turn the volume off after the first one.

 
- I will not wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother.

   
- I promise to be nice to my dog. I won't starve him to death more than 10 times.... in a month.



- I will not sit at the computer all the time. I will try to stand while I type for at least thirty minutes a day.

 

- Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes.

 
- I will stop hitting the “like” button just because I like the person who posted but not what they wrote.

 
- I will use my treadmill for something other than a place to hang my jacket.

 
- Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.


- Learn what the hell "resolution" means.

Drunk Man To His Wife Joke: "It's Started"

 A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it
starts.”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”

The wife is furious. She yells at him,
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started.”

Two Hunters In Woods: WhatsApp Jokes

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. 
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: 
"OK, Now What?"


 

Clean Family Joke- Pigeon Went To Heaven

- A father was at the beach with his four-year-old son. 

After sometime, the son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a Pigeon was lying dead on the sand. 

"Daddy! What happened to the Pigeon?" the son asked. 

"Son, he died and went to the Heaven," the Dad replied. 

The boy thought for a moment and then said, "Did God threw him back down?"

Idea To Avoid Annoying Wife: Marriage Jokes

- Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!

She went on and on and wouldn't stop!

The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.

How do you do that? Says the other.

It's easy! I turn off the light! 

Blonde Jokes: "Watch For Fallen Rocks"

A Blonde was driving down a road and sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”

Few miles later, she sees some rocks at road-side. She stops the car and picks them up.

She than took the rocks into to the Road Maintenance officer's cabin and puts them on the table.

“Keep your fallen rocks,” she says. “Now give me my watch?”.

Drunk Man At The Bar: WhatsApp Joke

One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye."
The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty. 

Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." 

Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers. 

He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he says, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop."
The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, pissed all over the bar.

"What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!"
Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry."

Top 5 One Liner Jokes

- "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."  




- "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."



- "Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!"



- "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."



- "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

WhatsApp Office Joke: How Not To Get Hired In A Job Interview

Going in for a job interview? 
Don’t mess it up with questions like these from real candidates: 

“Can my husband finish the test for me?”

“Would you consider going on a date with me?”

“Can I place my desk near the cafeteria?”

“Do I have to be at work every day?” 

"Can I get salary in advance?"

 

WhatsApp Teacher Student Jokes: Homework Not Done

A 4th grade student looked downcast, so her teacher asked. “What’s the problem Jane? I hope it’s not homework again.”
“Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Jane “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”
“Jane, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, 
“But his once I’ll let your just unfold the paper and hand it in.”
“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Jane, looking even sadder. 
“You see, the plane was hijacked."

Clean Animal Jokes: Panda Enters A Bar

- A large panda comes into a beer-bar and have some beer nuts. 

Then the Panda takes out a gun, make a fires in the air, and move towards the exit door. 

“Hey You!” shouts the bartender angrily, 
But the panda smiles back, “I’m a panda. Go Search me on the Internet!” 

Sure enough, The Bartender types Panda in Search :  
panda: “A tree-climbing bear with distinct black-and-white coloring. He
EATS SHOOTS and LEAVES.”

Funny WhatsApp Drunk Jokes: Police & A Drunk

- Cop and Drunk Joke

       A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. 
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. 
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. 
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a breathalyser test. 
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0%.
The cop says, "What's going on?"
The guy says, "Tonight I'm the designated disguise." 

Funny Marriage Jokes: Devil To Husband

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town Church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, pushing each other with a lot of effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Angrily, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "I've Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Best Funny Clean Girlfriend WhatsApp Jokes

- Mother to daughter: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?"

"Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children."




- A girl brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
Horrified by his appearance and lack of manners, her father can barely be civil.
“Dear,” he say after the boyfriend finally leaves, “That boy is trouble. You can do better than that bum!”
“But Daddy,” she says “If he wasn’t such a sweetie why would he be doing so much community service?”

Husband Wife Clean Family Jokes

- A man left work and headed home one Friday afternoon. However, being that it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

 Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday came and went, and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Funny Blonde WhatsApp Jokes: Time to Chicago

- A Blond calls an Airlines office.
Blond- "How long does it take to go from Boston to Chicago?"

"Just a sec madam" says the attendant.

"Thank you" says the Blond and hangs up.

Funny Occupation WhatsApp Office Jokes

What happens when people of different occupations get old

- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?" - See more at: http://time4joke.com/Joke.aspx?JokeID=10680&CatID=Job/OfficeJokes#sthash.bJaG4xJD.dpuf

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?" - See more at: http://time4joke.com/Joke.aspx?JokeID=10680&CatID=Job/OfficeJokes#sthash.bJaG4xJD.dpuf

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour? - See more at: http://time4joke.com/Joke.aspx?JokeID=10680&CatID=Job/OfficeJokes#sthash.bJaG4xJD.dpuf

Best Funny Cops Sms & WhatsApp Jokes

Smart Kid and Cop

 - The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

- Police Officer: "How high are you?" 

Drunk: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

- Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. 

Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.

Best Husband Wife Marital WhatsApp Jokes

Husband : I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife : Wow, what did u ask for darling ??
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife : Ohhh..Darling.. I love u so much.
Did he do that ??
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.


Wife's Weight Loss Mission
One friend to other: My wife wants to lose some weight,so she is doing a lot of horse riding.
Second Friend- And, what are the results? 
Friend: For the first week, the horse lost 20 pounds

 
Funny Husbands At Home
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife.

From a married life.

First year : He is talking – She is listening.

Second year : She is talking – He is listening.

Third year : They both are talking – Neighbours are listening.

Best Funny Office Humor & Boss Jokes WhatsApp

Funny Office Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer from a renowned university, "And what are your expectations about the salary?"

The candidate said, "At about $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

Mean Boss
The CEO of a large company was walking to the cafeteria along with two of his secretaries. Upon tripping on a bottle, a genie appeared and asked the threesome if they would like to each make a wish.
The first secretary excitedly exclaimed, “I wish I was on a beach in a tropical island!” Immediately her wish was granted.
The next secretary proclaimed, “I wish I was on a tour of France!” Immediately her wish too, was granted.
Being that it was now his turn to make a wish the CEO exclaimed “I want the two of them back in their offices right after lunch!”

Funny Clean Drunk WhatsApp Jokes

- A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. 
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. 
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”


Drunk and His Best Friend
- Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another.
Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom.
“Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked.
“It’s my wife Stephenie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!”
“Hey wait a second! Said Mark “Aren’t I your best friend?”
“Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile.
“He is!”

Clean and Funny WhatsApp Jokes- Girlfriend & Boyfriend

Boyfriend: Call me Baby

Girl: My Cute Baby

.
.

Boy: Call me sweetheart
Girl: Sweetheart
.
.

Boy: Call me honey
Girl: Honey
.
.

Boy- Call me Darling
Girl- Darling..
. .
Boy: Ohh you fool. I need you to make me a Call
Girl: ohhh.. ok ok!

Short & Funny Teacher Student Jokes For WhatsApp

- Q: What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
   A: Look at the board and I will go through it again.


- Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
  Student: Not really. 

 
- Teacher: Answer my question at once. What is 7 plus 2?
  Student: At once! 

 
- Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
  A: Because his class was so bright!

  
- Teacher:  "Here is a math problem.
 If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what would she have?"
Student: "A heart attack."

 

Funny WhatsApp Jokes & FaceBook Messages

- EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 
Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'? 

 
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

 
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

 
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

 
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

 
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

 
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

 
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

 
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Clean & Funny Blonde Jokes and Sms

- A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad there because all the cars were leaving.



- Blond to her friend. "Lot of my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Her friend asks, "Give them your phone number?"

The blond says, "That was a little expensive, so I put a mailbox in my car."

Friend, "Is that working?"

The Blond answers, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Then the friend asks, "And why do you think that is?"

Blond replies, "Maybe because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps on changing."

Clean Police Jokes & WhatsApp Messages

 


- On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"



Drunk Man?  
- A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a haemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too drunk to do that!"



Smart Cop
- A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."



- Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious." 

Funny Facebook Status

- When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

 

 - The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 

- We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook.

 

 

- Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.

 

 

- I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. :)

 

 

- At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

 

  

- If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)

- I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. :)

 

 

- When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

 

 

- The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

 

 

- I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)

 

 

- All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

- I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :) 

 

- Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)

 

 

- For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.

 

 

- Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.

 

 

- Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.

 

 

- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

 

 

- Why is abbreviation such a long word?

 

 

- The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Student Teacher Jokes For School Books

School Jokes

- Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It is 42 mam!"
Teacher: "great, and who will tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It 24 mam."
 

- Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.

- Teacher: "John, you talk a lot !"
John: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
John: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
John: "She's a woman".


- Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbour.

- Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!


- Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Ellie: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Ellie: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

- Son: I can’t go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don’t feel well
Father: Where don’t you feel well?
Son: In school!

Clean Blonde Jokes and Humor: Blond On a Job

- A blonde, wanting to earn some money. She went to the neighborhood and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

Blond said "50 Dollars will do."

Owner agreed and gave her the paint and ladders. 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 
"You're finished already?" he asked. 
"Yes," blond answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blond continued, "that's not a Porch, it's a Bentley."

  

 

 

WhatsApp Funny lol Jokes

Funny Jokes For WhatsApp

-- A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.





Two Defence Generals
General Thomas of the Navy was visiting his colleague General Marshall who was in charge of the Army. Thomas arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Thomas asks: "So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, Gral. Thomas.", Marshall Said.

Thomas- "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." 
Marshall- "Well, my men are very brave, too."

Thomas- "I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Thomas and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."