- "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
- "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
- "Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!"
- "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
- "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."
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