Best Jokes Ever

-An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:
"YOU IDIOT -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!"

-A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy! 

Two Crazies:
  A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. 
He found Patient 1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient 2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 "What are you doing"
The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" 
The doctor enquired of Patient 1, "What Patient 2 is doing?" Patient 1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light-bulb." 
The doctor looks up and notices Patient 2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient 1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient 1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"